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Don't you just hate getting up and it's raining... I mean a toad strangler down pour. Now if I could snuggle and go back to sleep, no problem but work awaits. Today is Wednesday and my two brothers and I eat breakfast with my Dad and Brenda, my stepmom, every Wednesday. It keeps us in touch with each other. We were close when my Mom was alive but when she died the family drifted apart... everyone busy and nobody saw it. I'm going to post a small part of the slice of life I wrote when my Mom was diagnose with cancer.
ONE WORD CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Malignant, was the word that changed my life. This death word nearly killed my family’s closeness by stealing the essence of our family.
I remember the day my mother’s hell began.
“The tumor is malignant,” the doctor said and my world crashed. I struggled to breathe as he talked treatment and time frame. My mother sat listening, her face showing no emotion. My eyes silently pleaded for her to fix this, she always fixed things that affected my brothers and me in a negative way.
I plunged deeper into my private hell when mother asked, “Then the tumor is inoperable.”
“That is correct,” the doctor answered. “An oat cell tumor only spreads if it’s disturbed.”
“But..,” I croaked then stopped and tried to clear the lump that choked me. “You have to give her some hope. We need hope. There has to be some kind of treatment that will help her.”
“I’m sorry, I wish I could say there was, but there isn’t. Radiation will be for pain control only, it’s not a cure.”
Mother reached for my hand and gave me a weak smile. Staring into my eyes, she asked, “When do I need to start the radiation?”
As soon as possible, tomorrow if we can set it up.”
At twenty-seven years old, I understood what the doctor words. My mother was dying. My mind understood this, but my heart could not. Mother gone, impossible!
Two years later standing at her graveside, unable to shed a single tear, I realized that my life changed from the moment I heard the word malignant. At first, I prayed for her to live, but as the cancer grew, the pain became unbearable. That’s when I prayed for her to die, so the pain would stop.
Word for Today: murky -- dark, obscure
My days were murky for the first year after my mother's death.